sometimes I just like to see pictures with you... to remember how the things used to be... It makes me feel human, helps me find my inner peace... 

In a dark way it's funny, some people are born with autism disorder, but day by day I'm developing myself an autism behavior. I like to push the "off" button and stop any interaction/contact with people, just laying there in my silence with my thoughts, believes, memories and so on. It's not depression, just... I feel so dissapointed that I prefer to not have any expectations at all, in general. I have my memories, my dreams and this is how I manage to survive for the moment... In my own designed world.

I like to think about you... to remember the times on which we was togheter... the dreams which he had... it's not a pain, it's just a way of beauty for me... Those memories are part of my being and I embrace them. They 're making me happy. You have given me strength, believes, happiness and many other beautifull things, how can I forget you ? You are so alive in my dreams and thoughts... you were so meaningfull for me - that in my mind right now - you still manage to offer me peace, refuge.

The crazy part is ... I'm in love with a memory ... with a past that will not ever repeat ... that's the thing that causes me pain and it comes down again to dissapointment.. why that beautifull thing didn't growed much bigger ? we both needed it so much...